Q&A15 The Evening Crash, "Faking It," and The Grief of Change

Q&A15 The Evening Crash, "Faking It," and The Grief of Change

Hey everyone, welcome to Q&A Thursday!

I hope you’re all doing well and that the information I’m sharing on these podcasts is useful for you.

If anything resonates with you, you should consider taking my 30-Day Weight Loss Mindset Reset course. It’s a gamechanger. Some people have already made it through the course and the wins are excellent.

For example a graduate of the course Christine shared this with me: “This course left me feeling empowered, and with the mindset that I can achieve whatever I set out to achieve. The positive affirmations, and the encouragement from both Rick and the community helped to reaffirm my new mindset.”

That’s nice, right?

And this from Sherry: “This course has quieted that constant chatter. To not lose track of 'me' and who I am always becoming.”

And another from Radja: “I stayed on course and didn't give up, I did the work and I learned to pay attention to my body's signals. I am the only one who can either stop me or keep me going.”

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I’ve gone through the emails from Monday’s episode on Discipline vs. Identity, and the questions are pretty good. There’s a lot of fear around letting go of the "discipline" safety blanket.

Question 1: The Evening Crash "I get the battery concept, but I feel like I have NO battery at all. I can be 'good' until I walk in the door after work, and then I inhale the pantry before I even take off my coat. How do I fix the evening crash?"

You probably think you are just lazy in the evenings. You look at the empty wrappers on the counter and tell yourself that you "let your guard down" and that you need to stay vigilant 24/7. But that vigilance is exactly what is causing the crash.

The binge you experience at 6:00 PM is not a failure of will. It is a biological rebound. If you spend 8 hours holding your breath—restricting calories, suppressing annoyance at your boss, performing "perfection"—your body must gasp for air eventually. The pantry inhale is that gasp.

The fix isn't more discipline in the evening. It is less restriction during the day. You need to stop white-knuckling the morning and afternoon so you actually have some battery left for the night.

Question 2: Fake It 'Til You Make It? "You talked about 'acting' vs 'being.' Isn't trying to 'be' a healthy person when I'm currently overweight just 'faking it until I make it'? It feels like I'm lying to myself."

This is a really common fear. We are terrified of being frauds. You think, "If I say I'm an athlete, but I'm 50 pounds overweight, I'm delusional."

But there is a distinct difference between "faking it" and "practicing." Faking it is about tricking others into thinking you are something you aren't, usually out of insecurity. Practicing is about teaching yourself a new way of being.

Think about a medical student. They aren't a doctor yet. But they put on the white coat, they walk the rounds, they speak the language. Are they lying? No. They are practicing the identity until it becomes reality. You aren't lying to yourself; you are rehearsing the future you are building.

Question 3: The Grief of the "Fat Friend" "I realized while listening that I actually identify as the 'funny fat friend.' It's who I've been my whole life. The idea of losing that identity feels like dying. Is that normal?"

This is such a profound insight, and I want to validate how scary this is. We often keep the weight because it serves a function. Being the "funny fat friend" might be how you keep people comfortable, or how you avoid intimacy, or how you bond with your group.

If you lose the weight, you aren't just losing pounds. You are losing a role that you know how to play perfectly. And that creates a void.

Transformation is largely a grieving process. You have to mourn the safety of that old identity before you can step into the new one. It is okay to feel sad about changing, even if the change is positive.

Question 4: Evidence Gathering "I tried to ask myself 'What would a healthy person do?' and I still ate the cookies. Now I just feel like I failed at identity work too."

You might interpret this as proof that the method doesn't work for you. You tried the tool, the tool "failed," and now you want to throw it in the trash and go back to dieting.

But identity shifts are not magic spells. Asking the question doesn't guarantee you won't eat the cookie today. It simply interrupts the autopilot.

The fact that you asked the question at all is the win. In the past, you would have eaten the cookies mindlessly. This time, you ate them with awareness. That is step one. Forgive yourself for the cookie, and celebrate the pause.

Question 5: Where to Start? "This feels huge. If I have 100 pounds to lose, how do I even start identifying as a 'thin' or 'healthy' person? It feels too far away."

When the gap is that wide, your brain will reject the new identity as a lie. If you try to tell yourself "I am a fitness model" today, your brain will say, "No, you aren't."

So, don't aim for the finish line identity yet. Aim for the next step identity.

Instead of identifying as "The Skinny Person," identify as "The Person Who Doesn't Give Up." Or "The Person Who Walks After Dinner."

Start with an identity that feels true, but slightly stretched. Prove that one to yourself. Then stretch it again. You don't jump to the top of the staircase; you move up one step at a time.